See Me As I Am
by CreateImagineWrite
Summary: One-Shot Songfic: Adam Lambert's "Underneath." Hiding from yourself never works, but sometimes hiding from the world can seem like the better option, even when it comes to love. Merlin/Arthur. Modern AU.


**See Me As I Am**

_Strip away the flesh and bone  
Look beyond the lies you've known_

Merlin crushed his mother's hand in his own as the doctor handed them the x-rays. The pain in his right leg and from the various other contusions on his thin frame were somewhat dulled by the heavy amount of pain killer they'd forced down his throat when he'd originally gotten here. That, combined with the heady rush of adrenaline that still lingered in his system, made the photos of his skeleton blur slightly before his eyes before they came into focus.

The doctor was saying something about it being a clean break, and therefore it would heal faster, but he wasn't listening, staring instead at the photos. He looked at the thin crack in his bone with a faint sense of unreality. How many people had x-rays just like these, the same skeleton, the same bone structure? What about him was so different that because of it he had a broken limb?

_Everybody wants to talk about a freak  
No one wants to dig that deep_

His sexual orientation wasn't one that was generally accepted in a small town. They talked about him even when they knew he could hear. They referred to him as "that freak", and most of the time even worse names. He'd come out of the closet over five years ago, and most people would have suspected before then, what with his attraction to neck scarves and his effeminate features. They still talked about him, though, even after all this time. Never mind that Canada recognized same-sex marriage, never mind the campaigns against discrimination backed up in their country's charter.

His few friends, Gwen, Lance, Morgana and Leon, all accepted him, but others didn't. Like the one's he'd encountered walking home from his night classes in English Literature the night before, Valiant, Mordred and Cenred. They certainly didn't even _want_ to get to know him for who he really was. No, they labeled him as a homosexual and that was it. One glance at them and he'd been targeted.

_Baby, better watch your step  
Never mind what's on the left_

_You're gonna see things you might not wanna see_

He should have just kept his eyes to the ground, should have walked past without looking at them, should have ignored the taunting comments. But whatever pride he'd had at the time had reared its head and he'd glared at them. And then:

"What you looking at, freak? Get your pervy eyes off of me. I don't want anything to do with you."

As _if_ he'd be attracted to _them_! He'd said as much, and that had been the biggest mistake he could have made.

They'd been on him in seconds.

_A red river of screams  
Underneath  
Tears in my eyes  
Underneath  
Stars in my black and blue sky_

He hadn't stood a chance. They had been football jocks back when they'd all been high school. He'd been the kid on the sidelines, nose in a book, surreptitiously watching the more attractive men who passed him. His muscles were practically non-existent,

It had been all he could do to curl into a ball while they hit him, feeling the blows on his ribs and legs, wrapping his arms around his head to protect himself from the worst kicks.

When they'd left him, running away from the oncoming lights of a car, he'd been sticky with blood, throat hoarse from screaming, unable to move.

_Welcome to my world of truth  
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you_

The doctor had left. His mother turned to him, eyes wide with worry, brunette hair in disarray. She laid a hand against his forehead, smiling through her tears.

"It's going to be okay, baby. I called Arthur."

The wave of relief that hit him was more powerful than any of the blows that had been laid upon his body. He managed a tiny smile, leaning into the touch.

"Oh, Merlin." She moved from the chair to the edge of the bed and gathered him carefully into her arms. "I'm proud of you for standing up for your beliefs and being who you are, but sometimes…" Her tears won the battle with her voice, and she just pressed a kiss to the top of his head and held him silently.

Sometimes he wished he'd just stayed in the closet too, but it would be a lie to pretend he was anything but who he was. Hiding from the world be the equivalent from hiding from himself.

_I'm standing here with no apologies  
Such a beautiful release  
You inside of me_

A sudden rush of loud footsteps made Merlin turn to look at the door of the hospital room. It was only seconds before the one face he'd wanted to see for the last hour appeared.

His blonde Adonis stood in the doorway, tall and strong as the Arthur of the old legends. A nurse trailed after him, one hand latched onto the edge of his sleeve.

"Sir! I must insist. Only _family _is permitted in..."

Arthur turned a glare to her that would have boiled lead. "Let. Go. Of. Me," he growled, tugging his sleeve out of her grip. "That is my _fiancé_."

The nurse was stunned to silence, gaping at him as he turned from her and stalked into the room, eyes instantly meeting his boyfriend's.

"Merlin!" His entire face lit up in a smile, and then instantly fell. He half-ran across the room to take his lover out of his mother's hug and into his own. "What happened?"

"Valiant," Merlin rasped, his voice almost non-existent. His fingers tangled in the fabric of his boyfriend's shirt, and he breathed in the scent that was more familiar to him than any other. The tears started up again.

Strong arms pulled him closer and lips were pressed into his hair. "I'll kill him," Arthur growled, fingers momentarily digging into his spine before they relaxed.

Merlin looked up with tear-filled, reproachful eyes from where his head was nestled against the blonde's collarbone.

"But not right now," his boyfriend amended. "I'll kill him later." He pressed another kiss to Merlin's brow, then to a cheek, then to his lips, harsh, needy kisses. "God, I was so scared. Don't _do_ that to me. You're supposed to _call me_ if you miss the bus, you idiot, not walk home. It's not safe."

"Work," Merlin managed, wincing even with the passage of that one word through his throat.

"My work is _not_ as important as you. I can't live without you." His eyes were serious as he pressed another kiss, gentler this time, to his fiancé's lips.

He managed a smile and turned his face back against Arthur's chest. "Love you," he rasped out.

"Love you too. Always."

_And underneath  
Under my skin  
Underneath the depths of my sin  
Look at me  
Now do you see?_

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own BBC's Merlin, I just enjoy borrowing the characters.**

Inspired by Adam Lambert's song "Underneath". Lyrics belong to him. My first slash fic. Reviews are love.


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